Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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