Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
