Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
