wakey wakey hands off snakey
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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