He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
