We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
