I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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