Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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