i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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