i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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