I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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