put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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