I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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