i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
