Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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