Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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