something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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