We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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