Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
