Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
