all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
