Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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