i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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