I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
