Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just tell him i said nine months
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
