hotel room ftw
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize