they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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