oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
