took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
