Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
