I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
