So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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