Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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