When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
