I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
