I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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