I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
