I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
