I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
