His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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