Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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