Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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