I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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