so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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