i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
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He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
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Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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