Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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