The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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