I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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