If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
