i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
