Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
