But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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