This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
