Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
