Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
