so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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