Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
