I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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