hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize