entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
