Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
