Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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