then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
