ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
