Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
