Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize