so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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