in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
