I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize