he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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